Here’s a dysfunctional family: the louche Dan de Campagne (look at those kiss marks), his consort, Black Olive, lurking behind, and their bastard offspring, Braidy, genetically two strands Campagne one strand Olive, cockily upright – the little prick.

And what about this gang of ruffians: think they’re ciabatta but they’re more boot boys than slipper bread.

Ah, the seamy side of baking …